交友之道 ... Friendship

(English at the bottom)

黑暗中，同舟共濟......
Friendship is like sitting in the same boat during dark  hours...

『朋友乃時常親愛，弟兄為患難而生』

中文以「同舟共濟」來形容患難與共的朋友，而今天聆聽的講道亦以友誼為題。以下是當中的重點：

神使人成為群體；神造人，並使人享受與人的友誼；友誼是神賜予的。

箴言第17章17節：『朋友乃時常親愛，弟兄為患難而生』，牧師指出：愛必須是友誼的主要動機。英文詞彙「朋友」('friend')一字的原文意思是「自由無拘束地去愛的人」('One who loves freely’)。牧師問我們與朋友的友誼是否建基於愛？『朋友乃時常親愛，弟兄為患難而生』這句中，含有質與量：「親愛」是友誼的「質」；「時常」是友誼的「量」。要時常地去愛朋友，意即無論在任何情況下，例如患難、憎恨、悲傷，甚至最艱難的時刻。

牧師又問：當朋友有難，我們會怎樣反應？是否仍願意愛這位在患難中的朋友，不論發生甚麼事情？他舉了兩個聖經的例子：大衛與約拿單，路得與拿俄米；他/她們雖經歷逆境，但逆境未有打擊友誼。

牧師又提到箴言27章17節：『鐵磨鐵，磨出刃來；朋友相感也是如此』，意思是真正的朋友敢於挑戰我們，但我們是否期望有這種友誼？很多時逆境反而打擊友誼，令友誼決裂，而這是令人很傷痛的事。當我們覺得朋友傷害了我們時，我們可能鬥氣，甚至想以其人之道還治其人之身！因此，寬恕別人是最重要的。

箴言17章9節：『遮掩人過的，尋求人愛；屢次挑錯的，離間密友』。後半部分，英文意思可以指”Whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”，換言之要醒察屢次挑錯(’repeats’)的，是否我們自己不停將不滿對方之事反覆思想，甚至向對方重提舊事，以致損害我們對對方的愛，破壞友誼？

最後牧師指出：

-         主耶穌的愛是無條件的。

-         我們要學怎樣去愛、寬恕、復和。

-         珍惜友誼，捍衛友誼；主耶穌會教導我們。

感想

置身於這科網時代，透過各種社交平台，建立友誼較以往更容易。有些人甚至有幾百位以至過千位朋友。但似乎人與人之間越來越難建立有深度的交往，找到能夠分享內心的朋友、靈性上真誠交流的朋友、不掩飾自己的弱點的朋友、為了對方好而勇於指出對方的問題，希望對方改進的朋友。有時為了維繫友誼，人傾向只說好話，又或者只尋求附和自己的朋友。這些友誼或交友之道，與聖經的教導當然有很大分別。牧師今天的講道，真是發人深省。

曾有前輩指出，社交平台的文字式交流，不能取代與朋友面對面的交流。但人際交往似乎正趨向用文字取代見面；但資訊交流，難以取代人際間深入交流。

多朋友不代表有真朋友。

真誠的人，才有真誠的朋友。

有人說朋友是一面鏡子，反映自己是甚麼類型的人。

      交友之道，是學習怎樣不帶條件地去愛、寬容、忍耐、節制，那真是不容易......

朋友如鏡，反映自己；
水珠如鏡，倒映天空
Water droplets on the window reflecting the sky,
just as friends are mirrors reflecting our characters.

Friendship

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

In Chinese, there’s a saying that good friends are like sitting in the same boat while crossing a river, which means friends collaborate with each other during times of adversity. The sermon that I listened today also talked about friendship. The following are the main points:

God has made us in communities with each other. God has created us to enjoy friendship with each other, to experience true and meaningful friendship. Friendship is a gift from God. In Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Love must be the key motivation in friendship. The word ‘friend’ originally means ‘one who loves freely’. He said, “Are the friendships that you have rooted in love?” In the verse, it includes both quality and quantity, i.e. love at all times, during hate, during suffering, during sorrow, even in the toughest times. What do you do when a friend in times of crisis comes to you? Are you willing to love them no matter what happens? A brotherhood, a bond survives trauma and adversity. Examples are David and Jonathan, and Ruth and Naomi. But the adversities that they had come across didn’t break up their friendships.

In Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Friendships could make us stronger, have deeper understanding…There are friends who are willing to challenge us…A true friend is willing to challenge you. Is this the kind of friendship that you want? However, more often than not, adversity breaks up friendship, it hurts, it’s painful. Sometimes when people hurt you, you want to hurt them back. To forgive is crucial.

In Proverbs 17:9, “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” The pastor reminded us to search our own hearts, maybe it is myself who is repeating the matter over and over again in my mind. The verse could be translated into, “dwelling on the mistakes of others devastates friendships”.

The love that Jesus gives us is unconditional. So we should have love, forgiveness and restoration. Cherish the friendships that you have. Jesus is the teacher.

Afterthought

In this social media era, it has become much easier to make friends. Some people have hundreds or even thousands of friends. But on the other hand, it seems more and more difficult for people to have deeper interaction with each other. It's difficult to find friends who could share our inner thoughts, to interact in the spiritual dimension, not to cover up weaknesses in front of friends, and friends bold enough to point out our weaknesses for improvement. In order to keep friendships, people tend to speak good words only or make friends with those who agree with their thoughts. These attitudes towards friendship surely deviate from Bible teachings.

Once a colleague said that communication via social media could not replace face-to-face interaction with our friends. But it seems that social media interaction is replacing face-to-face interaction. It also seems that the interaction via social media is prone to information sharing and it's difficult to be in-depth.

Having lots of friends doesn't imply having true friends.

Only genuine people could find genuine friends. 

There's a saying that friends are like mirrors, reflecting our character.

Friendship means learning how to love others unconditionally, but that is really difficult...